TJ Questions, What's New, Pussycat?
Here’s where we post our “Question of the Month” and where you can send in a question about Tom and we’ll do our best to answer. To submit a question, please click on the “contact” link on the bottom right side of the page. Looking forward to hearing from you!
October Question of the Month: Fan or Foe? What’s Your Story?
Wednesday, October 3rd, 2007We have mixed feelings about this question, but the past few months have prompted it.
From the time Tom was in Atlantic City in August through Tom’s appearance in Stockton on September 28, there’s been a great deal of dissension, hurt and anger caused by fans’ interaction with other fans. We suppose one should try to be understanding and approach fans with the knowledge that “fan” is short for “fanatic.” If you’re reading (or have written) this, it’s good to remember that there’s probably a good reason the word is used for admirers of a singer, actor or sports team.
Anyway the nastiness, lies and back-stabbing between fans can get to be too much. That fans are jealous of one another is not news. But the fact that you can get thrown off a message board for saying something nice about the wrong person, or mentioning the wrong website, is outrageous. It’s outrageous that another site moderator would send the nasty email we were sent when we announced our calendars. This has happened for years and you see it everywhere. It’s all just a big bowlful of wrong.
We’re not being sanctimonious about this. So many of us have been embroiled in this kind of thing and, in honesty, sometimes it’s deserved. But most often it’s not deserved. Such nastiness can be painful and drain one’s energy from things in life that are really important. It can ruin a trip to see Tom or the online experience of talking to fans.
Of course — on the bright side — some of the things that happen between fans or that fans do in the context of their idol are funny.
Naturally, we want to believe the friends we make through being Tom Jones fans are true friends. Sadly we may discover they are not and will step all over another person, lie and then swear to it, just to gain what they believe is an advantage or to get closer to Tom.
So, our question of the month: Without naming names, tell us your most outrageous fan experience — either something personal that happened to you or something you observed or heard about; funny or not.
Keeping in mind another question we posted in the last few months, we want to visit the subject again. And, soon, there will be a follow-up to this.
October 4th, 2007 at 6:56 am
I am the “the new kid in town” and when I started to go to TOM shows early this year I never imagined that I get to know soooo many fans from all over the world, all ages and all backgrounds. I wasn’t prepared for the friendship I was experiencing and I was overwelmed with good feelings and some of the fans I truly call friends now. Well I know that wasn’t your question and I have heard BAD stories from some of my fellow fans, but these stories have to be told by them. All I want to say is in this “backstabbing jungle of fanatic fans” are OTHERS – truly wonderful people I don’t want to miss in my life;)- Life is short – Enjoy the ride – Laugh a lot – Love with all your heart – Kiss slowly and and Smile because there are Good Things happening all around us;)
October 4th, 2007 at 9:32 am
Hi BeBe. What wonderful words and sentiment! I always try to view the world in the same way and most of the time I succeed.
There are always people who will ruin it for others. I guess it depends on how often you get dumped on by others how you handle
it. I think running a website like TJI would leave you open to lots of criticism from people who are mean-spirited and just nasty.
It’s only human nature that makes people complain quicker then compliment someone. That being said, I have never personally run into
some of these supposed fans who trample others in their quest for attention but I have also heard stories. I’m glad you found Tom and your new friends.
October 4th, 2007 at 9:35 am
BeBe’s enthusiasm is so wonderful. I only hope she chooses her TJ friends carefully. Most fans are very nice but, like we learned when we were children, one bad apple can spoil the barrel. I was in Las Vegas in August when Tom got there and performed on Sunday because he’d been ill the first three days. He clearly wasn’t feeling well and after the show a group of fans wouldn’t let him alone. One woman grabbed him, put her arm around his neck, pulled his head down and just kept kissing him. He looked so uncomfortable. On the other hand, I have a friend I met at a concert near my home who is now a very dear friend and we travel everywhere together to see him. Once a year we might approach him. It’s not that we are better than anyone, we just get so embarrassed by some fans we don’t want to be looked at like so many other fans.
October 4th, 2007 at 10:48 am
Talk about nasty moderators and “bad” fans..this is like the pot calling the kettle black!
October 4th, 2007 at 11:16 am
I think the post from Suzanne is exactly why this question was posted. The moderators of TJI.com have never slammed other sites or lists and are probably among Tom’s most respectful fans. Interesting that, even though you are so critical, Suzanne, you seem to read their site. I suppose you do that because it serves all fans well.
Your comment is a good example of negative fan experiences.
October 4th, 2007 at 11:27 am
We were lucky to meet Ellen and Ursula in Vegas a couple of months ago and had a wonderful time. Through the years we always had positive experiences talking to other fans (in person or through the internet). We are planning to have lots more….
October 4th, 2007 at 12:17 pm
THANK YOU HOLLY!!! That’s the spirit!
There was a woman at Westbury who walked down to the stage. As with many of those theaters in the round, the stage was probably less than two feet off the ground. The fan made it down the aisle all right, then she stood there at the side of the stage. And stood. And stood. Finally Tom told her she could step up onto the stage. She stood. Finally, “I…I…I….can’t,” she whispered. Her knees had locked. Tom asked two security guards to help and they literally lifted her — with her legs stiff and locked into position — onto the stage. She gave Tom the token gift she’d brought and the guards lifted her back down. And, then, almost carried her to her seat.
October 4th, 2007 at 12:38 pm
Great story Holly! Glad you can laugh at it all these years later.
There are many TJ fans who spent a lot of time and money enjoying and supporting our Tom. YES, he belongs to the world and not just a chosen few. I have loved meeting fellow fans and sharing our enthusiasm. TJI (Ellen & Ursula) provide the most current information in a professional manner. They are most gracious and love sharing with fans. Its fun and not catty like some forums. Luckily, I personally haven’t run into the rabid fans that want to spoil it for others.
(no relation to Suzanne)
October 4th, 2007 at 1:09 pm
I have great respect for Ellen & Ursula, to me they are nice people, devoted fans, they promote tom in a positive way and as far as i know they are not stalking Tom.
October 4th, 2007 at 1:34 pm
I can’t laugh at this memory – it was disturbing then and still disturbs me. This fits into the “stalking” type of “fan” category. I ran a fan club for Tom for parts of the 70′s and 80′s (I quit for reasons I could explain later). I was just out of high school and still living at home and I got a letter from one of the fan club members who lived in another state. The letter, which was postmarked four days earlier, said she was getting on a bus to come to MY HOUSE and meet me and look at all of my Tom scrapsbooks, etc. Now, I didn’t know this “woman” nor did I correspond with her other than send her newsletters. That next day, she called me from the bus station to pick her up!! Yipes! She had an OPEN ENDED bus ticket and told me she was staying for a week! She looked ok; I chatted with her on the way to my house and thought I could maybe strike up a friendship with her. NOT! She was obsessed and possessed. My mother at first thought that this situation was amusing; however, her opinion changed rapidly. I asked her to leave after a couple of days. I literally was afraid of her and her obsession and all of the things she had planned for Tom. Just imagine….Now, think about all of the people like this person that Tom and his management have to put up with on almost daily basis!!!
October 4th, 2007 at 6:45 pm
I am a big fan of Tom Jones in the sane way, not the insane fanatic way. I am responding to your entry regarding bickering fans etc. To these fans I say GET A LIFE!
Tom Jones is a great artist and entertainer. He has one of if not the greatest voices the world has ever heard. But the greatest thing he has on top of it all is the magic of being bigger than life when he is on stage.
We go to see him because for two hours he takes us away from reality. He almost at times seems better then human almost super human all in a good satisfying way. We leave his shows always wanting more and amazed that a flesh and blood person can do what he does.
Why do the fanatics want or need to get so close to him?
I personally don’t think we need to know him as a real person. I think it only diminishes the illusion.
Just enjoy what Tom Jones has brought to us over the years and is still bringing to us. For you fanatics who take it too far, I say again GET A LIFE!
Go follow a dream the way Tom Jones did. He has made it a happier place, you could too.
Thanks for your time.
October 5th, 2007 at 5:19 am
Well said Nick, brilliantly wrote.
October 5th, 2007 at 6:53 am
WIith one notable exception I can only echo the sentiments already expressed here. It all comes down to maintaining a realistic perspective; there are far too many TJ fans who are frighteningly delusional. Ellen and Ursula set up this website as a tribute to Tom and to promote him in the most positive way, not for self-aggrandizement. It has been a resounding and well-deserved success which has no doubt caused a certain amount of resentment and jealousy from some quarters. I find this completely bewildering and it saddens me that a purported love and appreciation of this wonderful, talented man can sometimes bring out the worst in people. I still like to think they are in the minority – I have met many fans world-wide who are lovely people – but they’ve always been there…….the scary mob……and the internet provides an ideal channel for them to spread their vitriol. It’s just sad.
As for Holly’s story……..I’m still getting over it. Jaw-dropping. I have nothing to share that can begin to compete with that; just the bizarre (and too frequent) spectacle of women deciding to undress in public, presumably for Tom’s benefit. In the imposing surroundings of Hampton Court, no less, we were treated to the display of one woman’s assets as he was waving goodbye at the end. He was clearly as unimpressed as the rest of us in close proximity.
October 5th, 2007 at 8:18 am
Hi, All:
We were in all honesty looking for anecdotes, not debate about the quality of this website. We are proud of this site because we know it’s good and serves the fans — and we are absolutely, positively NOT saying it’s better than any other.
We allowed Suzanne’s (not Susan’s or SuzannePDX;s) comment to stay up because she is entitled to her opinion. But her post seems to have misdirected the responses and, despite Holly’s terrific attempts to keep the responses on track, it hasn’t worked. So, we’re ending discussion on this topic and thank everyone who contributed.
—Ellen & Ursula